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Dating Advice From ‘WELL MEANING’ Friends – Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Listen

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Advice from friends:

Even friends with our very best interests at heart are not always reliable when it comes to advice, in particular when it’s advice regarding something they have very little to no experience with.
The first people we usually turn to for advice are our friends and our family, we trust them, we know they care about us, and most of the time this is indeed the case, and they really do want to see us happy, but that doesn’t automatically mean that the advice they dispense will lead us to that happiness they so want for us.

Now there is also another type of friend, that I have particular concerns about and what to draw your attention to, and that’s the friend (or family member) with ulterior motives that they’re not even aware they have!

These ones, and in my experience it does tend to be family members usually more than friends, actually quite like the idea of you staying in whatever position you’ve lumped yourself in for the last few years, or the last ten years or even as far back as you can remember! There are few reasons why this happens, but the common reasons have to do with a fear of change. The majority of people don’t like the idea of change, even if it means evolving and progressing. Now this might sound bad, or evil even, but as I said before, this is usually not intentional. They’re not aware that their advice is actually not helping you and instead, is keeping you lumped in that same position in life or circumstance that’s not making you happy. It’s not that they don’t want you to be happy, they just don’t like the idea of change and/or anything that involves even the slightest risk, and they especially don’t warm to the possibility that someone else's development and achievements will shine a light on their own personal ‘life disappointments’ (everyone has them)) because this would mean they themselves would be forced to consider making changes, and to take some level of risk which involves them venturing out of their comfort zone.

I can’t begin to tell you the amount of men who have come to us over the last two decades (yes it has been that long!) who have literally wasted years of their lives because they followed ‘bad dating advice’ from ‘good friends’.

“Don’t worry. You’ll meet someone eventually. You’ve just got to keep being yourself”

“Every pot has a lid. Just get on with your life and stop trying to force things to happen, because if it’s meant to be, you’ll find the one”

“Just stick at it with the dating apps. It took me one year before I met my girlfriend but it was worth it”

This kind of unprofessional advice which is purely based on personal anecdotes, usually from people who got lucky at some point, are not only useless, but they’re also potentially very harmful. If someone has been following advice from friends and family for years, and not succeeded, then he will inevitably see himself as a lost cause, and will most likely give up, or worse, suffer mental health issues such as depression.

I’m not hyperbolising here, this is what I’ve seen happen to so many of our students. Many of them suffered years of depression before they came on one of our programs, and although this is not entirely caused by taking bad advice from friends and family, there’s very often an element of this at play.

Seeking out professional advice from someone who only benefits from your success, is the best possible solution to a problem. A professional, like myself, is not going to feed you what you want to hear, or share empty personal anecdotes and purely theoretical advice. A professional will tell you what needs to be done to get you from A to B. There’s a time and place for a shoulder to cry on and theres’s a time and place to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and take action. Although I sympathise greatly with my students and am as open with them as they are with me, my only objective is for them to achieve their objectives, and the only way to do this is to speak honestly, candidly and constructively. I explain to them what works, why it works and how to implement it.

Ask a friend what colour they think you should paint your dining room. Ask a friend which tie would go best with your shirt. Ask a friend what movie they recommend you go watch, but for the big life decisions and the specific help with the important key areas of your life and well being, it’s best to seek out professional help.

This is what all our students did, and every single one of them is now in a far better position because of it.