This is the LONELIEST Country in the World
Nordic countries are ranked to be the happiest time and time again, but for someone who has moved here connection can be a struggle. I went to one of the loneliest countries in the world to talk to locals and foreigners about why it's so difficult to make friends and create real connections. We talk about loneliness, the Swedish mindset, Swedish communication, and what to do if you want to make friends in Sweden.
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0:00 Are Nordic countries actually "happy?"
0:39 Sweden: the hardest country to make friends
1:33 Is Sweden actually difficult to make friends?
3:41 Are Swedes lonely?
5:11 Reason # 1 Sweden is lonely: individualism
6:00 Reason #2 Making friends stops in high school
6:27 Why Swedish friendships are different?
8:02 Swedes love their space: a forest in the city
8:25 Reason #3 Coconuts vs peaches
8:42 Negative vs Positive Politeness Theory
9:28 Why Swedish communication is different
12:55 What Tall Poppy Syndrome & Law of Jante have in common
13:38 Swedes hate small talk
14:22 How do Swedes feel about small talk?
16:07 Emotional expression is a no-go
16:34 Why Swedes love to drink
16:50 Is it impossible to make friends in Sweden?
17:12 How to make friends in Sweden?
20:00 Swedes like to compartmentalize their friend groups
20:33 My personal experience in Sweden
21:54 My personal tips and tricks for connecting with Swedes
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Marina Iakovleva (directing)
Oleh Voitovych (editing)
Filmed in:
Stockholm and Gothenburg, Sweden
Sorry for the late upload everyone! This one took a while to edit, but hopefully you enjoyed!
Do you want to see more of these types of videos?
Those “happiness” rankings are not really based on happiness, but other data that are not necessary related with happiness.
Yes
Yes, absolutely. Would love to see how this compares to other countries 🙂
loved video, learned something new 🙂
yes, this video is very interesting from an anthropology viewpoint!
02:37 Such a nice guy , if he wanted to have friends I am available ,I am from Egypt 😉🇪🇬
Speaking of Egypt here we are NEVER lonely ,if people find out you are living alone – even by your own free will – they will just drag you to social circles they will make sure you are in contact with others , and doesn’t need any basic neccessities ..etc.
I’m a Spaniard and we have too much social life lol
Same in my country Iran but unfortunately deeper friendship in extroverted cultures are harder to find.
Yes that is good but too much social contact can be exhausting with too much friends and u can’t always trust your friends becuase they can betray u and i think that people here are carefull about that and we like too keep our integrity and private life.
Yeah just by the word “drag you” it shows how north africans are very intrusive and like to make lonely people feel uncomfortable
@@denniswrande6004 Exactly I don’t know what is all this fuss about nordics not being friendly. Many loud societies cry too much about it. They have the urge to befriend people. I feel like most of them (not all) are very impatient and want friendship to be established quickly unlike nordic people who take their time and are more picky when it comes to friends. And to be fair, Nordics are right to keep their circle small. Having too many friends is nothing to brag about . In southern countries when things goes down, you will hardly find someone that will help you (unless it is your parents or to a less extent your relatives). That is why quality over quantity.
Living in a nordic country all my life and I haven’t been able to make 1 friend in real life. Thank you for talking about this issue
Nobody is perfect. Every country has its own issue ;( I have only few good friends in the US.
There are worse countries than Sweden to be in to be happy. I’ve been in an overrated country for it’s supposed openness but it was all bs. Many shits are so fake that I find Sweden very very authentic and polite. That country’s name starts with F.
Canada is the same
Undortunately, this is becoming an issue not only in Scandinavia, but in the whole Western world.
here we say: better having a good neighbor than a far friend..
This is JUST like the state of Minnesota in the US. Minnesota is notorious for being a place where it is difficult to make friends if you didn’t grow up here, and the people shy away from confrontation. Guess where the bulk of Swedish and Norwegian immigrants to the US settled in the 19th century: Minnesota…
What about the Minnesota nice??
@@osky2558 “Minnesota Nice” does exist. People here are polite and have good manners. For example, even in the Twin Cities, drivers will let you in when you want to be in their lane. But some allege that “Minnesota Nice” can also be passive-aggressive.
That explains why..
My father, born 1924, grew up in a Swedish/Norwegian community in Northern Ontario. His English Canadian school teacher noticed that the Scandinavian children did not express niceties like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
The Spanish flu killed many area residents. Some of the girls from his community worked as nurses because so many English and French Canadians from neighboring communities were dying. It was noted that none of the Scandinavians, even the nurses became sick. The Scandinavians thought it was because French and English people “were always touching each others.”
Americans in general are not friendly, unless they are just arrived from overseas. Everyone is individualistic, super selfish and busy working, there’s no community and no one gives a crap about anyone else. Maybe it’s because it was mainly settled by Nordic immigrants.
As A Japanese, the whole story is fucking relatable.
After watching this we could definitely say that Sweden is just the Japan of Europe
Watching this video makes me understand why I love Latin cultures.
Je suis de l’Est de la France. Ma culture n’est pas très “latine” mais j’ai eu l’occasion de côtoyer des gens du sud de la France. Ils vous disent facilement : “je t’aime, je t’adore, on sera toujours amis” ou “tu me manqueras beaucoup” et après : plus AUCUNE nouvelle, un silence de mort.
Je ne sais pas comment sont les latins des autres pays mais en France, les gens du sud sont connus pour leur amitié aussi fausse que démonstrative.
@@YvBernard Bonjour, j’habite dans la région de la Loire. Je n’ai pas encore vécu cela, mais je comprends ce que vous dites. J’ai vécu aux États-Unis et les gens sont comme une double épée et trouver de vrais amis, c’est comme gagner à la loterie. Les gens sont vraiment sympathiques mais ils semblent faux.
J’ai perdu mon mari il y a presque deux ans et cela a été un défi car je vis dans un village très isolé. Se faire des amis ici a été un véritable défi et je ne parle pas correctement français. Je remarque des choses bizarres comme le gaslighting de la part de certaines personnes, mais pour être honnête, ce sont des alcooliques et ils ne peuvent pas s’en empêcher car ils ont été moralement compromis il y a longtemps. La ville me manque.
Quand je pense au latin, je pense à l’italien, au mexicain, au cubain, etc.
And Slavic cultures. I felt that it was very easy to make friends in Serbia even though we barely knew each other.. perhaps it’s much different somewhere like Russia, but I feel like Slavic cultures are way friendlier than they’re given credit for.
@@yespls4184 “I feel like Slavic cultures are way friendlier than they’re given credit for.”
Agree!
I’m Danish and I don’t have any close friends. Never had. I have a couple whom I see maybe 2-3 times a year. I have friends abroad whom I am in contact with through Whatsapp. It’s sooo hard to make friends here..ones who don’t end up ghosting you or suddenly lose interest in you. It’s been like this all my life.
Let’s talk. I need to practice my English and I’m interested in Danish culture. 🤞🏻
Ok, I can be ur friend
I strongly suggest you try another country!
Denmark is the coldest country I’ve ever known…I’m Danish as you but, have absolutely no intention coming back. This due to the coldness and not least direct hate, coming from toxic Danes, who imagine (don”t know) how other people are and, when they’ve imagined and lied about other people long enough, the lies become their “knowledge”…..I remember being told over there that, climate doesn’t have any influence on the human mind…hm, really Danes!?
If I was you, I would move closer to the Ecuator where people are more open minded, curious and friendly….
Alt godt og, held og lykke paa din rejse gennem livet!!
Vow… I had no idea it was this bad in Denmark. Have you tried making friends with some of the immigrants there? I think you will have better luck with non-Danes.
@@shidehhafezi6826 Actually I did make friends with some expats but also lost contact with them. It was pretty obvious that they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore so I stopped contacting them.
As a Swedish person i can totally agree that it is extremely difficult making friends here.
I am now 27 years old and had only a few good friends in my own country while growing up.
Most of my friends have either families of their own or have moved abroad to work (following their dreams)
My Best friend passed away 2018 and I’ve been lonely since.
💭
I am very sorry to hear that your best friend passed away when you have only few good friends around you to start with. Hope you are ok. Ex Sri Lankan living in Sydney Australia. To be honest from my own experience all the Nordic people who I talked to are the most genuine and *intelligent* people I have ever met. US is the last. I wish you well!
The interesting thing is the fact that although Sweden offers a high quality of living, why do Swedish people move abroad to work. Can you give some explanation ?
@@bugra320 For the same reasons mentioned in this video – loneliness/difficulty in building friendships/relationships. I have several friends in Northern Europe who have moved to (and wish to move to) Latin/Asian countries.
MOVE TO AFRICA TO ENJOY LIFE WITH PEOPLE OF YOUR CHOICE OVER THERE YOUR DREAMS WILL COME THROUGH IF YOU ARE WISE ENOUGH TO TAKE A BOLD STEPS SHY IS YOUR LIMIT
@@Ghostrider-ul7xnyup take a trip to latin america or asia, you would probably get food poisoning BUT tons of friends
I lived in Sweden for six months and I had many Swedish friends. The secret is to find some club, either dancing, reading, cinema, etc. Also, it helps if the Swede has either lived abroad or has foreign parents. This is my five cents.
This exactly!
@@Momoa786 Great point.
When you go to america,africa and asia making friends is as easy as breathing…just by being yourself…no secrets involved…good to have a great wellfare system and high safety but this demonstrate there ain’t no such perfect or totaly happy place so i definitely do not agree with stats claiming scandinavia to be the happiest counties…just a matter of choice on what one needs
@@davidolomu285 They are just content with life, but not happy.
I’m Swedish and I totally agree. I don’t think it’s harder making friends in Sweden than in other countries. The trick is to join a sport or find an activity that you like which you share with others. I think many people come to Sweden thinking that they don’t need to speak Swedish because Swedes speak fluent English. While that might be true you are never going to form deeper friendships with people in Sweden if you don’t speak Swedish. Because if you don’t speak Swedish you can’t take part of Swedish culture. Indulging yourself into Swedish culture and habits is necessary if you want to form deeper friendships. I also feel like people have way too high expectations when in comes to making friends. People expect others people to do all the work for them. As soon as they move to a new country they expect the locals to have the desire to become close friends with them. Sometimes that is the case, but mostly likely the locals already have friends and might not be super willing to make new friends. In order to make friends when moving to a new country you have to be willing to get outside you comfort zone and indulge yourself into the culture and habits of the country you’re moving to. That is how you make deep friendships. Deeper friendships are not something that’s going to form over a night. Getting real close and personal with people takes time. So you have to be persistent and patient. Forming deep friendship takes months and sometimes even years, but it will be worth it in the long run.
As an Italian in his thirties in Sweden I agree that it can be difficult to make friends here. Especially with Sweds. But I am also aware I am the most extrovert person ever.
For sure the language is a reason, because even if there is no problem using English, the “small talk” is carried out mostly on Swedish.
Another reason, as stated in the video, it is very difficult to be included in the group, so for example if the person is a colleague, you remain in the colleague category for the afterwork Fika or events, but nothing more.
Another thing I have seen so far, that made me a bit sad, is that by doing so, most of the foreigners just stick to hanging out with those from the same country and avoiding learning from the other cultures. I came here because I wanted to see how things work in another country, if I wanted to be surrounded by Italians, I would have just stayed at home.
But what I understood so far, is that Sweds like good food, so organising dinners, especially when cooking Italian/Mediterranean dishes, brings everyone together.
it is very weird and it also explains the very different odd sort of people Swedes are. But individually it can differ. But I think also most of immigrants are very affected by the introverted society it must be something in the atmosphere. Its of course a growing ground for corruption not accepting new people in wich also is unfolding.
Ok, as a half-Swede, half-Italian, I mean yes, definitely much easier to make friends in Italy. Actually even if you speak Swedish in Sweden, and Italian in Italy. There are ways to get friends in Sweden though, and that is to be part of any kind of association or sub-culture about anything you are passionate about. Swedes are huge on association life of all kinds, if things are like formally organised you are kind of part of the same “club” and barriers are suddenly gone. It can be a sports club, political activism, study circle, charities, rave parties, board games, motorcycling, anything around music, hiking, parcour, sailing, salsa-dancing, kite surfing , burning man, etc, and yes something around food too.
Universities in Sweden work like this sort of formal club that breaks barriers too. In Sweden typically you move home to live by the university, and social activities are super well organised so you get really close to your study mates who often become friends for life. In Italy university students keep much stronger ties with their family. Have a friend from Verona who studied in Trento and naturally went home every weekend. When I studied in Sweden, I went home like twice a year, and university was more of an all-encompassing experience.
@@martinsjogren4366 ok så man kanske ska gå med i en förening eller nåt sånt. Kyrkorna är också ett tips.
You say you are probably ” the most extrovert person ever ” ?
Basically that means ” the most annoying person ever “. Probably explains why you have no friends…?
I am originally Turkish living in the U.S. for a long time. I have a buddy from Napoli. This guy is also a social monkey with an endless contact list on his phone. And he tells me, he doesn’t have one American friend. I don’t believe Sweden can beat US in terms of fake conversations and superficiality
As a immigrant in Canada unfortunately I can share the same experience. I spent the last 14 years here trying to make friends and I had no more than two friends and sometimes it feels that I am the only one with a genuine interest in how they are doing. Locals don’t like doing friendships with immigrants and immigrants are creating friendships only in their own national communities. Toronto is awful place for creating and keeping friendships. Sometimes I feel that this aspect of my life is totally damaged because of my immigration.
Toronto is a place for newcomers. If you join groups for newcomers you should be fine. There is no one culture there – you can find ppl from everywhere – those who have arrived recently and those who have been there for many years. Honestly- Canada is not known for this.
All big cities are like that ! People these days are more cautious.
It’s the same for people growing up there, it’s awful. Especially if you leave and come back, Canada is notoriously brutal , but Vancouver takes the cake on this.
I feel the same about living for 10 years now in Berlin
I immigrated to the US more than 40 years ago. It is harder to make friends in bigger cities but it is not impossible. I used to live in the Washington DC area. Now I live in a smaller city. The good thing about living in a bigger city is that there are a variety of people with different backgrounds, so you have many choices and opportunities. There are also more social events (seminars, gatherings, summits, classes, workshops, etc) to chose from. My friends are not all from my culture or even my age group and I think in my case that has been very helpful to get me out of my own shell. I wish you the best!
Funny, in Brazil we are just the opposite, depression gets slapped in the butt every day and night. But corruption is rampant. If we had the education system, health care, transport and other basic needs Sweden has, Brazil would be the heaven on earth. Well, it’s hard to understand this life.
It’s mostly down to geography and climate that shapes a culture and people
@@nicholasnovak4definitely
I am Brazilian, too, and you idealize some countries as many of our compatriots.
@@nicholasnovak4it’s not only that ,its in the genetics
@@alexandrakis2731 , we can’t generalize, but in general people in tropical countries tend to be more open and friendly because we spend most of the year outside and not so inside ourselves, more closed because of the often bad climate as in colder countries. There are channels of Nordic people living here in Brazil that would be “almost unrecognizable” by their compatriots for their behavior. Example: Channel “Swedish Gringo”. It’s not only for the climate, it’s because they also meet local people who are the opposite and so they feel more comfortable to act as maybe they would like, but would be seen as an “ET” in their countries.
Omg as a Finn i am so surprised that Swedes were the ones who had it worst! Like in Finland we have jokes about how Swedes are so freespirited and talkative since we think that we are noting like that ourselves. I am happily surprised, wefinally havesomething vetter than Sweden
No Finland is even worse than this
@@leob4403No it is not.
@@butterflies655 in what way?
This channel went from funny skits to genuine sociological analysis. Absolutely love it.
Best compliment. This is the goal 😁
@@DatingBeyondBorders that’s a good goal 🙂
This is growing up for most people. All funny and carefree in our younger years and as we get older we.get more serious.
When life gets too easy and you dont struggle for basics, connections get shallower. This is a fact. People bond over shared struggles and the search for meaning through experiences where they get to experience each other in their most raw form of human or even the animal essense of the human. When we make life too easy, we make life shallow. When we make like too secure we become even more risk averse and avoid getting out of our confort zone even more. And outside that zone is where all the new connections and growth opportunities lie. I lived in Germany for 7 yrs and I never felt lonelier. Germans were so pathologically cold, closed off and afraid of anything new and different. They can have a functioning system, but a running train doesnt mean its taking the passangers to a good destination.
Good analysis.
… but Swedes, Norwegians, Finns, Danish… all the same. Northern Germans always fear to” interfear “😊into someones business. It takes time to get into contact. Hobbies could be helpful. We have loads of clubs, Vereine for everything. If I were a single, I would join a hiking group. If you do that…… do walking aside… not talking much! … after a while there will be a conversation. 😊 The only proper hiking gear, the best and only shoes… we take everything seriously… 😊 Waiting, be patient… . Important! If you are invited to someones home… it is meant this way! To think it is a fake invitation, due to politeness … is a mistake you can’t repair.
@@AltIng9154 no dude. I lived in germany for almost a decade. Was part of a verein too. And i did break that barrier with some even. So they even loved talking to me because i am intellectually pretty competent. But, what did i get out of it? I was soooooo bored underwhelmed and ready to ditch. They were still soo cold. No human warmth. No hug no touch that didnt feel anxious and afraid. I was just soooo bored with their seriousness the linear left brain thinking. It always felt like talking to robots, lacking affect and sensual input. They were just not capable. At the end of the day, every meeting felt like a business meeting, or exchanging information and not connecting on a deeper emotional level. Sure, us Meditarranean folk can be pretty loud and annoying, but we bring to the table things Northern Europeans severely lack.
@@tricatame7427 I am sorry for you… but this hugging of foreigners is very weird for us. 2 Portugal girls started conversation with me in a train and kissed me good bye
… at the platform… was weird for me. But we start hugging our friends and family members now. We even learned the hugging and kissing… there is progress. 😉
👌🏻
I was in Copenhagen for 3 days and it was the most depressing 3 days in decades if not ever.
Lol so where do you live?
Why was that?
Seattle was largely settled by Scandinavians (Norwegians and Swedes) and the result is the so-called “Seattle Freeze”. I’m genetically Swedish and have lived in Seattle most my life. I have pretty much no friends since the few I had have died. I like to be alone so that’s okay. Nothing personal, it’s just Seattle. Sweden sounds very comfortable to me.
@@user-lr9mo9my6jseattle area crime is hell.
If that is your choice.
Yes, Swedes are introverts and very reserved on top of that so if you’re an intro you get along just fine…
Big towns are so anonymous and full of people who don’t talk. I’m from Scotland, we speak to anyone and everyone, at bus stops , in shops, in cafes, bars, anywhere. I moved to London and did that, talking at bus stops to the people who are regularly there every day. They all look at you as if you’re crazy! As no one talks to anyone unless they’re introduced in another way by another. So no one spoke to me until I went to college, it took about 2yrs to make a few friends in London.
I advise, just talk to everyone! One good person is all you need, then the domino effect will come after
God bless Scotland, one if the best people I ever met. I was there for my studies in 2015. Alba !
Do you? Because I’m in England and all the expats like me told me that Scotland is actually worse than England ☹️
I’m confused I’m engaged to a Brit and is been so hard getting girl friends here 😞
Big cities in my country Brazil arent like that Thank God
I love the scots!!!!
I’ve been living in Sweden (Stockholm) for more than 8 years now, and I’ve made only one Swedish friend at gym and we meet once per year…I was an extrovert and happy person and Sweden turned me to an introvert and unhappy…
People have said that about Seattle after they moved here.
This was really sad to read. Hope you are doing alright. ❤ Is it really that bad? Curious as will be travelling there soon.
meet once per year? lolol
@@TonyDracononce per year is actually a lot by swedish standards. Every 5 years is the standard here even among siblings
@@leob4403 🤣🤣🤣
I lived in Goteborg for 9 months in 1999. Being Australian; we are such social people. I felt like I was losing my mind.
My friend studied in uppsala for 2 years ,she forgot alnost how to talk,NO ONE spoke to her ,she was stuttering when she came back home to Serbia,crazy ,Sweden is scary to me,if they weren’t rich they would be considered the scariest and least popular countries
@@SRBOMBONICA86- Wow! Thats why I like Greeks 🇬🇷
@@SRBOMBONICA86well atleast she retained her ability to speak in some form. Us swedes are known for taking pride in robbing people of their oral skills. There are children that were lost in the wild and grew up in wolf packs, they lost their concept of language, all they did was sniff and bark and snarl. Maybe you heard of Mowgli in the Jungle Book?
@leob4403 Lol😂😂😂
Pffff emancipation makes family live difficult and free sex brings scares in emotions A sexual contact releases a hormone oxytocine and vasopressine between the 2 person’s that normally bind this 2 person’s together. So sexual relationships whit out can not be healthy . It becomes after very difficult to love another partner.