What is Gaslighting in a Relationship? Here are 10 Examples | By Mat Boggs
Mat Boggs shares dating advice for women and 10 Examples of What is Gaslighting in a Relationship.
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Mat Boggs Bio:
Mat has helped millions of people around the world attract love and develop fulfilling relationships. He’s also the founder of a revolutionary system of attracting love called Manifest Your Man.
In addition to running a highly successful coaching business, Mat is also the co-author of the best-selling Project Everlasting, which received a major, six-figure advance from Simon and Schuster publications.
Mat has been featured on CNN, Oprah & Friends, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and many other media outlets, as well as shared the stage with some of the industry’s biggest names, including; John Gray, Jack Canfield, Les Brown, Bob Proctor and Brendon Burchard, and more.
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Ive had this. He told me i was in dreamland until i dished undeniable evidence. He quickly switched to love bombing. I ditched him 6 weeks ago trusting my instincts.
Video summary:
How they gaslight you:
0:47 doubt/deny reality
2:00 twist things to make you seem at fault
2:52 make you seem like you’re crazy
4:30 put all evidence/people against you
How to work through it?
1. Trust your instincts
2. Keep a journal
3. Keep a healthy boundary
4. Seek support
5. Get yourself out of the relationship
I am so sorry for every woman that has gone through this. I have just gone through the discard stage after living with my sweet lover for three years. I grind my teeth at night and that was his excuse to start sleeping in the living room after two years. I stopped getting text messages all day long every day except when he needed to tell me something or needed to ask me something. This was the guy that used to text me 50 times a day throughout his day.
Hey!!! Women gaslight men too, apologize for women doing that as well
Our family appreciate you so much. You are just so dead on!
You bring deep respect, total transparency, and love for self and other in every video! You have cleaned up my internal landscape!!!and I send you every loving blessing
I learnt about gaslighting and narcissism from my last relationship.The situation caused me to analyze other relationships other than intimate ones also.
Now i set boundaries with people.
If you have ever wished you had recorded a conversation so you can play it back to that person….you’re being gas lighted/lit.
This is exactly what I just told my partner, I said “never before in my life have I wanted surveillance in my home until now so we could rewind & I could show you all the things you constant you never said”. It’s such a mental draining feeling.
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The original definition of ‘Gaslighting’ was: The act of using a blow-torch to incinerate a fart; this should be the only valid definition of Gaslighting.
I would like a video on the unique aspects of seniors finding partners, and how relationships are different in that season of life
This is why I literally love recording, some of my important conversations so I have proof as backup. My mom would say ” I didn’t say that.” I have proof right here. Ummm what are you talking about. Great video…!!
I struggle a lot between not knowing if I’m overreacting due to my past traumas, or if the person is mistreating me without my knowledge. Like lying or manipulating.
Not only did he start yelling at me that he didn’t say that, he also accused me of never listening to him. And when I would go back to make sure I understood him, he would get angry all over again and yell at me to just forget it!
You put that very nicely. Gaslighting is mental abuse and should not be tolerated ever. This is a serious red flag. It should betaken as a warning sign of what is yet to come from the person that does. In my experience dealing with people that do this tend to very physically aggressive later on to control you. Pay close attention ladies to how men treat you. God made a some great ones so don’t waste time on ones that are not. Always remember you deserve the best of treatment from your man.
My mother (covert narcissist) and her enabling golden child (and overt narcissist) son did something rude to me. When I brought it up the next day, I texted her with one sentence, “That was humiliating what you both did”. That was all I said. They both twisted it around and said that it was not rude, that it was a joke, I have no sense of humor, that I always make everything about ME, that I have anger issues, and that I need to go get counseling for my explosive temper. I am a very calm and peaceful person. That was the beginning of August 2022 and I have completely cut them out of my life and I feel amazing for removing them and no longer being their emotional punching bag.
I know first hand leaving family because they are toxic is very hard as we are brought up to love them because they are family. It was the best thing I ever did. Good on you for putting yourself first 😊
If you did see counseling, they might be sorry they ever recommended it. An objective person would be on your side.
Go you🎉
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am always the one getting accused of having anger issues deep inside I am also a very calm and peaceful person too. I am in the process of cutting my family out of my life, as they get older it is not an easy thing to do, but I can still take care of them from a distance.
You go!!!! 🤗 (big hug to you!)
Did that 30 years ago! Best thing I ever did for myself.
Thanks Mat! I think it is so important to review narcissistic behaviors such as gas-lighting or love-bombing. Narcissists are great chameleons and know how to turn on the charm to get someone entangled in a toxic relationship.
In my “marriage” of 11 years I was gaslit to the point of believing I was losing my mind. I was at a crossroads of checking myself into the hospital psyche ward or asking the Elders at my church for help. Being a nurse, I knew it would forever be on my professional profile if I checked myself into the hospital so I chose to humble myself and ask my church leadership for help. My husband at the time was eventually removed from our church and I filed for divorce. It was a very hard decision because I believe in the institution of marriage, but I was being emotionally abused and had to permanently remove myself from that toxic environment for my health and wellbeing. 6 years later I still believe I made the correct choice for me.
Firstly thank you for outlining what gaslighting is as I was never sure of its true meaning. Now watching your video I can see I was gaslight a few times by my ex.
I would like a video on why do men cheat when in a long term relationship & if unhappy why can’t they just end things in a healthy way instead of betraying your trust?
You always give us an advice to be alert when there is something wrong in a relationship. Thank you Matt
This was my marriage! Unfortunately it took me years to realize what’s going on. When you’re in it, it’s hard to see it. I needed people to tell me something was wrong to start doubting. My best friend and my mom were the ones voicing that thought. Even then, his mom and family were part of the gaslighting so it was super confusing. So a video on how to see it happening and how to intervene.
This happens in all kinds of relationships, sadly the victim is the last to know. Knowledge is power, learning about gaslighting completely changed my life regarding certain relationships and especially gave me the information and the validation that I needed. Therapists never mentioned GASLIGHTING, just being manipulated but gaslighting is more insidious and crazy making. One therapist told me what’s happening was CRAZY MAKING which probably referred to at least some gaslighting. Once you know IT IS NOT YOU, you’re not crazy but someone you thought loved you is purposely doing this to confuse and control you for whatever reason they have. Do know that most people who do this are narcissists which is another personality best to steer clear of because they don’t care about anyone except themselves and it’s got nothing to do with you except possibly because you’ve got more goodness about yourself that they’ll never have which is why they chose you. But these people aren’t about anything except themselves. You can’t fix them because they don’t feel they need help except to keep you engaging with them because they’re enjoying your efforts and watching you suffer.
So true, “when you’re in it, it’s hard to see it”
I hate when the family members and their friends are in on stuff , it’s so evil and wrong
It’s very true, when you’re in the middle of it you don’t realize it
I had a feeling. But I didn’t want to believe it. And I’m having those feelings again. He went away for 3yrs and when he got back it seemed like he had changed. Still I can see a change in him. Except for that itching feeling and couple other things. So my best bet is to say good bye to the man that I’m madly in love with, the father of my child. And just be alone for now. Cause it’s probably the best thing to do. The sooner the better. It’s going to be soooo hard to do. That’s going to be over 20 yrs gone. Thanks everyone so much for ur story and words. It really does mean a lot to me. God bless everyone.
Gaslighting is a deal breaker for me. Having spent 12 years with that, it’s a not negotiable now.
Could you please do a video on the differences between narcissism and malignant narcissism? Given there’s more than one pattern of behaviour and associated patterns, knowing the differences given the term narcissist is widely used, would be really helpful. Thanks Mat 🙏
Me too. Lived that way too long for me to consider that again. Fat chance he will change and I’m not willing to take that chance.
And to negotiate with this type of personality is impossible.
Gaslighting is the most despicable and evil treatment to the person he supposedly says he loves because it’s deliberate and with total disregard of what will happen mentally and emotionally to her. Unless he voluntarily stops that behavior, the damage done is like no other and it tends to be repetitive because there is no remorse from that individual. Before you lose your sanity and your self-esteem is continuously dragged through the mud, you need to decide to leave and save yourself from that demonic situation. I finally did, January 3rd, 2023 (divorce). I’m not bitter but bring my experience to other women for their own possible learning benefit.
❤
You were strong enough to leave I commend you 😊 wishing you all the happiness in the world
Sorry to hear about your ordeal, stay strong & safe always. 💜🙏
I’m glad you got out of that situation.
I will take it one step further and say it is NOT even forgivable if he voluntarily stops. Someone who would deliberately do this to you is at his core not a good person.
I hate to say evil, because it sounds so dramatic, but it is fitting here. And someone with an evil heart is not someone who can be rehabilitated.
Gaslighting is such a horrible thing and so reflective of a horrible person because it is so intentional. It’s not like something that a person does accidentally or unknowin that it hurts you. Gaslighting is specifically meant to hurt you.
In my book, it is even worse than cheating.
I wish you all the best for your future without a horrible human!!!
I didn’t know what a narcissist was until after I was made to feel guilty because “I could breathe” he had asthma 🙄 and launched him out of my house & life.
Feel extremely targeted as I had known him for a long time he knew my history & did his best to destroy me with knowledge I had told him at the start & what he knew already!!!
Don’t feel like I can trust anyone anymore & still got a lot going on with the “aftermath” that’s affecting my health both physically & mentally.
✌🏼🍀✌🏼