Maha shares the biggest culture shock she has experienced since moving to Germany 7 years ago. You can go and listen to the FULL podcast now on Dating Beyond Borders Podcast channel!
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Happy Tuesday, Marina! Have a wonderful day and sending my love from Miami, Florida, USA
I am glad that there is no need for this useless act before accepting something here.
If i want it, i say yes, if i donโt, than i say no. I would hate if they kept forcing me to have cake when i cleay sad that i donโt want it.
Majority of them may not force you if you say no. In Germany, no one may offer you sth.
โ@@shutting88thats Not true
Then say what you actually think ? Wtf โฆ
Hospitality is always better in traditional cultures
Just accept the damn cake though
@@hirsch4155 ?
Youโre saying Germany is not traditional? LOL, thatโs really funny.
Itโs just another kind of tradition in Germany
@@juergenwoerz6015
(sorry for the long reply, wanted to share my ideas with you)
I guess she means traditional as an opposit of modern/modernized urbain,, etcโฆ
The non traditional societies share a common ground of values, ways of organizing private and personal life that makes them different from traditional ones (capitalism, nuclear families, tech, fast pace, individualism) These aspects might lead to the straightforwardness and apparent shallowness of the interractions.
vs (agriculture as a familial activity, extended families, tightly-knit communities, etcโฆ). this might explain the nurturing role of the familiy in terms of food etcโฆ.
Ofc, any general caracterization of society wont capture all the nuances. A lot of areas in morroco are more modern then some areas of germany and vice versa in terms of โtraditionalityโ
That is the thing I dont like. Why would you say no to something when you clearly want it? Do not tell me it is a typical politeness! You can just say yes please or no thank you!
Why do you have to complicate communications?
It might work well for Nordic and Northern Europe but it is a cultural thing even in East Asia or Asia in general as well where it is deemed impolite to accept things in the first instance when it is being offered to you without asking.It is also a way to identify if the offer is well-intentioned.But it depends from person to person too.
Sorry but no sorry, It is stupid to do so. unwanted conflict, unnecessary niceties.If you genuinely offer people food, please be real. You do not have to be pretentious.
Bro, I too find it stupid as a bengali. I donโt know how come my parents and my grandparents keep up with this game of politeness. I like things simple and straightforward.
@@thepsychic736who said this little dance is necessary? Itโs not but itโs nice. The host would insist because food is a form of love and welcoming the person. The guest will decline to show that they donโt want to bother the host and not to seem like they are only there for the food. Itโs not set in stone of course, you can dive in and eat.
โโ@@sarahss2483what is little dance? He did not mention any of it., but food. You can ask politely and be direct, not brutally honest. What I am saying is that whenever someone offers you food, you can say yes please or no thank you. Simple! Do not complicate communications by playing useless games.
Germans are direct and thatโs good
Thatโs not direct; thatโs just being inhospitable.
So this women knows every german in Germany and can tell that itโs like that, thatโs bullshit. Germans are very hospital, the thing is you have to earn a friendship of a german at the beginning we seems like cold but if you have a german as a friend, you got a very good friend in your Life . Think about this
@@toomuchinformationin Germany, if you are asked something and you say no, itโs impolite if you ask the same question over and over again. Itโs like your not taken serious. On the other side itโs Ok to change your mind and say: can I now have the cake please?
Politeness is always a question of the perspective. There is no wrong or right. Donโt judge so fast.
Lol, not direct. Itโs rude and inhospitable
@@zeshan35 have you ever been in Germany? And had contact with the german cultur? If not say nothing. I could say things that in marroco women are worthless right? But i can not say because i have never been there , so think about your words
It is overcomplicated. And that makes it stupid.
1. They offer something, if I donโt take it they will be offended, but I refuse it for several times.
2. They offer something, I want it, but I not allowed to accept it for several times.
3. How many times have to say no to be โpoliteโ?
4. How many times have to offer to be a โgood hostโ?
5. How many โofferingโ is too much?
6. How many โrefusalโ is rude?
And considering all those above, there will be 3 minutes haggling over something just to be polite.
While with โreasonableโ people it goes like this:
They offer it once. If I want it, I take it. If I donโt want it, I say no and they donโt force it anymore, because I donโt want it.
Thatโs it. It takes 3 seconds instead of 3 minutes.
I agree, itโs overcomplicated and stupid game playing lol
German efficiency > maroc humble dance
And when on the streets, almost always attempted to get scammed
Unfortunately true
Cultural differences are so interesting! And then you have Native American culture (or at least my tribe), where you never ask and itโs barely offered. Youโre just supposed to help yourself!
I definelty prefer the german straightforwardness (combined with the oriental warmth), But there is something I wanna emphasize.
People from every culture have customs and traditions that seem unquestionably obvious and natural to them, but appear strange and laborious for other people from other cultures.
The โstupidโ and โovercomplicatedโ cultural norm cannot be infered to be objectively โstupidโ or such because oneโs stance is always biased and outsider.
Believe it or not, for the people in that culture it is as smooth and as easy as โDo you wanna a cakeโ/ โYes pleaseโ
Oneโs culture is not the default or the only one that makes sense in absolute terms.
Comparisonโs sake is not to say which is better, and one should not be triggered because of it.
Also, these norms, varry within the same country, acros classes, rural and urbain areas. They often reflect unique historical aspects of the milieu where they evolve.
You are wrong. And not just once, multiple times.
โPeople from every culture have customs and traditionsโ
I am fed up with this cultural/traditional/customs nonsense. Just because people do something for a long time, it doesnโt make it any better. If something is wrong, it is wrong. Even after hundreds or thousands of years. Human sacrifice, slavery, genital mutilation, forced marriage, sex with underage children, whale hunting, honour killing, suppressing women, domestic violance, animal fights, etc.
โThe โstupidโ and โovercomplicatedโ cultural norm cannot be infered to be objectively โstupidโ or such because oneโs stance is always biased and outsider.โ
An โinsiderโ is even MORE biased. And thatโs why they defend their โtraditionsโ until their nose bleed, otherwise they should admit they regularly do something that doesnโt make much sense.
Furthermore. An insiderโs opinion is always subjective (and usually false, bacause of it), while an outsiderโs could be objective. Thatโs how therapy and marriage counseling work.
โBelieve it or not, for the people in that culture it is as smooth and as easy as Do you wanna a cake/ Yes pleaseโ
I donโt believe it. It cannot be. And this sentence shows how biased you are. One offers something several times, the other one refuses it several times, until finally accepts it. How could it be โas smooth and as easyโ as ONE question?
โOneโs culture is not the default or the only one that makes sense in absolute terms.โ
Nobody is talking about a whole culture, itโs about an action in the culture. Some actions should be default and should โmakes sense in absolute termsโ. Check the list I wrote above.
โnot to say which is betterโ
I think that not allowing honour killing is better than allowing. Not overcomplicating things are better than overcomplicating. I dare to say if something is better or worse than something else.
โone should not be triggered because of itโ
How you arenโt triggered because of my previous comment?
You saw the words stupid and overcomplicated in my comment, but you either didnโt read the whole comment (which tells more about you than your comment), or willfully ignore what I also wrote (which tells more about you than your comment), so I ask again:
A.) How many offer is okay and how many is too much?
B.) How many refuse means that one simply doesnโt want something?
Please, only reply if you can answer these questions!
I hold my opinion that offer-refuse-offer-refuse-offer-accept habit is overcomplicated and that makes it stupid. If you could do something simplier, but do it in a complicated way, it is stupid. If you canโt see that way put it in some other context:
โ Take a seat.
โ Give you a hand?
โ Should I carry the luggage?
โ Need a ride?
โ Will you go out with me?
See, how overcomplicated and stupid if you refuse something when you actually want to accept? How bad and dangerous if the โoffererโ thinks that the โrefuserโ deep down wants it, just plays hard-to-get?
Still think that running circles make any sense instead of a direct (and honest) reaction?
Well thank you for reading the entierty of my comment.
(I really used words like stupid cause a lot of people used them. My comment is not a direct response to you but to everyone who has another opinion, cause why would I write if I dont want those who dissargree to me to see it. I was awre you used the two words, but I couldnt find better ones and I dindt think you d read it and consider it a direct response. Maybe I shouldnt have used these words, didnt mean any passive agressiveness or sthng. Entschuldigung)
I dont think I am biased because I am a sorta outsider , sorta not . I share your feelings about finding refusing what you want to seem polite thing weird and awkward. Never liked it, and I never do it. BUT BELIEVE ME itโs easy and smooth for people who do it. They donโt question it, they dont even think itโs a scenario or something, they feel itโs a way to not be burden or to not seem too opportunist. The fact that I find it myself wierd doesnt mean it feels the same to others. Thatโs it. And in most cases no one would judge you if you say yes directly.
I donโt think that extrapolating my comment to make it include honour killings etc is reasonable. I didnโt say you are not allowed to find other cultural norms absurd even the morally insignificant ones like that.
Like for exemple in Japan in restaurants, when you pay you dont hand out the money directly but you put on the counter so that the cashier picks it up or itโs considered rude or sthng. Doesnt make sense =, but it makes sense for them and thus it makes sense.
@@ahmedtoufahi5198
Of course I read all of your comment, otherwise how would I know what you mean?
I mentioned honour killing, genital mutation, etc. because โ based on my experience โ I have to be extreme, otherwise people usually belittle the problem.
Picture this: I grow up and live in a house where I must turn the switches on and off several times before the lights actually start to work. It is not a problem for me, I donโt even notice because I am doing it for decades. But for you it seem stupid and cannot understand why on Earth I donโt want to change the switch to make it simple. And I highly doubt it that you wouldnโt mention it.
Same with this useless offer-refuse play. For those who live in it, itโs natural (โitโs easy and smooth for people who do itโ). Everybody else found it overcomplicated and canโt get their heads around whatโs the point of it.
Yes, I know that there are people who donโt find it weird, but that doesnโt make it not-weird. Just because slavery was a common thing for thousands of years and almost in every culture, it wouldnโt make it any less problematic.
โin most cases no one would judge you if you say yes directlyโ
You can literally read in this comment section, that someone had been spanked for takeing after the first offer!
And here are we again with the same questions: How many times do I have to say โnoโ to avoid โbeing greedyโ? How many times do they have to offer not being un-hospitable? How many offering is too much and annoying? How many refuse is rude?
First of all, you cannot give a number, so it isnโt clear how long do people should play this. Secondly, even if you could give a number, it is still overcomplicated.
With sensible people it works like this: the host presents the food and drink he/she wants to offer, the guests take what and as much theyโd like. The host is still hospitable, the guests ainโt rude and/or greedy. Everything else is just make it more complicated.
Whoโd like to flick the switch umpteenth times?
I absolutely love morrocan women
Moroccans are very very generous people
This is so true about middle eastern too.
As a moroccan i was invited to a german womanโs home at noon (lunch time with a Big meal usually in morocco) she offered me a cup of coffee
It stems from the fact that hospitality is so important in eastern cultures that often hosts will offer you their last piece of food left in their house, if you are their guest. As a guest, itโs good to be cognisant of the fact that your host will go to great lengths to cater to you, and therefore itโs best not to be too demanding. Hence the little dance. Sometimes, the host may stop insisting after the first or second offer, and that might be a sign that perhaps you should cut your visit short, or that perhaps it is difficult for them to provide you with that refreshment. It lets them off the hook, while still having offered you something. I hope Iโve been able to provide some perspective for those thinking it is useless, but these gestures actually communicate a lot of information, without anyone having to be directly rude. At the same time, if you do decide to take up your host on their first offer, no one will hold it against you!
I just wanna say I loved your comments. People around you are lucky to have such a profound and wise person as their friend or family.
I just wanna say I loved your comments. People around you are lucky to have such a profound and wise person as their friend or family.
The thing with the cake: Iโm Austrian and the young generation is much more used to say directly if theyโd want to eat something or rather not. The idea is not to force a guest to eat something they might not like cause theyโre full or itโs not their taste. My Indian husbands family had to get used to this
I now sometimes try to force them when we have indian guests and they are happy about it 
But- my parents and grandparents generation is more like that s as well. They wonโt say yes initially but get disappointed if they didnโt get the cake anyways 
Well girl it is about time you are honest when they offer you something!! Some people wont beg
Wao appreciate my German friends who always offer too many snacks when I visit their house.
Moroccan hospitality
A huge factor has to do with abundance, wealth and social factors. In more wealthy countries people tend to be more self centered, pragmatic and see things as a yes or no.
This approach actually led to capital and production progress and abundance.
In less wealthy and therefore structured countries people tend to be way more into informal gatherings and share what they have, going until the last thing they can offer sometimes. It can low key be respect not to abuse of your hostโs good manners, but also low key a way of saying โIโm okay, Iโm doing fine with my resourcesโ with the first refusal, as the second offer can be the host saying โI know youโre fine buddy, but it tho I really want you to try thisโ.
That, if youโre reading it as an instructions manual might look stupid, but it flows way better in real life. Even tho it might not make sense, it carries a lot of tradition in suffering, helping others, and sharing what you can. But the german division of work, being self centered and therefore contribute to everyoneโs success might make more sense nowadays. Itโs just not that easy to change a whole culture from day to night!
The german here are the Netherlands, denmark, sweden, etc and the morocco are the whole latino culture and south/central America.
Comment written by a Portuguese somewhere in the middle, but closer to the Moroccan culture.