Things to NEVER do While Dating in Germany?
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I asked Germans and foreigners on the streets of Cologne and Munich, Germany about what not to do while dating a German, who pays and what are some of the culture shocks they've experienced when it comes to dating.
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Dating Beyond Borders is a Youtube channel that focuses on highlighting the cultural differences that come into play while dating people from other countries.
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0:00 Intro
1:00 Who pays on a date in Germany?
4:00 How do Germans feel about the "macho" culture?
4:56 Sponsorship message
6:58 What should foreigners not do while dating Germans?
8:09 Who approaches in Germany + German compliments
9:40 How do Germans view commitment?
CREW:
Marina Iakovleva (directing)
Oleh Voitovych (editing)
Filmed in:
Munich and Cologne, Germany
“If she has more money , she should pay for me , i’m worthy” i would love to have this german man’s confidence ๐
I want a world outside Germany where women feel empowered when they pay the bill ๐๐คin most of countries in the world itโs 2023 but women are still below menโฆ sadlyโฆ I really hope that this attitude can go further in the world, not only in Germany.
โคโคโค๐ช๐ช๐ช
He has good marketing skills โค
@@FBAagentitโs sad that women need to pay bills to feel empowered.
Agreed. Me too, would love to have his confidence, not him.
New video is out! What do you think about the German mentality when it comes to dating? Is it for you, or is it a hard pass?
I like it, girls forced to approach men, love it already โคโคโค
Hard pass! I like REAL MEN, not p*ssies ๐ฑ disguised as one.
Ikr ๐๐๐
I feel like that it totally depends on the generation, the background, the self esteem,… Which makes it harder for men to know what’s right because there are no strict dating rules like in the us.
When I was at university I would only let a man pay if I really liked him, because I wanted to avoid any conflict about me not wanting to go further or meet again vs “thanks for nothing” attitude with which you could be confronted with.
When I know I earn the same or more money it’s fine for me to pay, but this can lead to a feeling of me carrying all the burdens if it becomes a habit. Let’s face it, if both want to have children the loss of income and opportunities at work, hobbies, travelling etc a woman faces in comparison with the man’s situation is totally inappropriate not to start with all a pregnancy can do to a woman’s body… So being a bit wiser now I feel it’s fair that men at least pay some restaurant bills to show their appreciation for the disadvantages women face if starting a family.
(by a German)
very nicely said
Well said โค!
well the man pays the bills when the women has children… so i dont see your point why a man should pay if he doesnt even know whether they date and will have kids with each iortther
โ@@LaxtovikAre you bffr right now? Pregnancy can kill a woman and you’re denying what prgnancy can do to a woman’s body???
@@Laxtovik lol bffr
Spanish lady is very fun&lovely! I would love to have a friend like her
Exactly, just friends. Too fat
โ@@Frivalsher german boyfriend looks good tho? I’m a girl but weight doesnt really matter for me and if i were a men the weight would still not matter for me.
@@diofromyozgat sure ๐๐๐๐๐
@@Frivals why not?
@@diofromyozgat it’s disgusting. Wake up
Hello! I love LOVE your channel…so great! I’m married and over 50 but I would love to hear about people my age and their dating experiences cross culturally. I think it would be so interesting!
As a German I want to say: No, dating and making compliments is not especially hard in Germany. Period. It goes by different rules than old-school-dating or in more “passionate” countries, but those rules are not hard to understand, once you get the gist of it. You want old-school-dating? Go for it. You will find Germans who prefer the old-school style. But the majority dates differently. For me personally it is a red flag, when a woman expects me to pay on a first date. This is not a lack of respect, it is just my believe in a certain equality and the girls and women I dated in the past would agree on that.
I’m having relationships and dates since 19 years in Germany and I don’t find it hard or dispassionate. There is more than enough people in Germany with whom you can have wonderful relationships.
So why donโt you articulate that easy rules in a clear way? You see, people are suffering:) explain what are these rules, please)
โ@@user-pm7ex2us8j Let me try. ^^
– When you meet, treat them like a friend. Don’t be pushy or romantic too early on. Just have a nice conversation, show interest in them and try to tell them something interesting about yourself.
This also goes for chivalry. Just don’t! Be nice and respectful but don’t be “the man” or “the woman”. You are equal. Relax.
– The occasional touch on the shoulder or upper arm is okay and even nice for most people. It is more like “testing the waters” and showing comfort with them, but don’t get too close on an early stage. Observe the reaction and when you get closer after one or two dates, you can become more touchy.
Remember: Having much body contact is something for when you are already close.
– Make compliments that aim on the person and not on their sexual value and again: Don’t make it romantic too early on. Don’t say “you are so beautiful” – this is something for couples. I made very good experiences with something like “you have a cool style”, “you are very thoughtful” and similar things.
– Communicate very directly. “Do you feel comfortable when I touch you?”. “Did you find this compliment irritating?”. It solves a lot of problems before they even arise.
– Regarding the first kiss: To just try it carefully when you trust your intuition or to ask “can I kiss you” – both can work. I did both in the past and it was okay. In case of doubt do the latter.
Maybe I could formulate even some more things and yes, it is quite some text but don’t forget: It can seem much when the german mindset is alien to you but the most important thing is, when you get in touch with Germans, observe and synchronize with their mentality. It is a natural process that only requires some time without learning rules meticulously.
And always remember: In case of doubt, communicate openly and honestly.
This “manual” is only a tendency of course. Germany is a big country with a lot of very different people. I can only talk about my own experiences.
where are you from ? was it hard for you to adapt in the first few months ?
I’m Canadian I would love a German man like that. Like god its so annoying when men get all their panties in a twist when I tell them I’m uncomfortable with them paying. Its not about who pays its about respecting wishes. My food is my food. If you wanna pay pay for your own. Like why does it bother you so much if I pay for my own?
@@Omnigrotesque
Your second comment should be mandatory for everyone to read it.
My fave videos of yours are the Germany ones. Btw I fell for a Berlin boy in January. Iโm moving from Toronto to Berlin next week ๐ SO excited. I remember watching some of your videos in the beginning just to try to understand any cultural differences. Turns out Berlin people are quite different from people from other German cities
Good luck!
Just out of curiosity, how are Berlin people different from those of other German cities, if I may ask?
@@AnastasiaSaenz more lax on rules and being on time, spontaneity. Obviously everyone is diff but this is what I hear from people who are from Berlin or whoโve experienced it there. And also from YouTube videos about creators making fun of differences in Berlin vs other parts of Germany. You can check out โradical livingโ or โuyen.โ Berlin is more lax in general. People might jay walk. Iโm not German and Iโm sure Germans in the comment section can chime in, but Iโve also experienced it during my 4 times being there as well as visiting 6 other German cities.
@@gwendolynpenelope Good luck Gwendolyne Penรฉlope! …. I guess you are of Spanish origin because of your names, two Julio Iglesias’s absolute hits: “Penรฉlope, con su bolso de piel marrรณn..” and “Tu nombre, .Gwendolyne”.. If someone Spanish at heart finds Berlin guys are to fall for, I will definitely follow the advice
โ@@gwendolynpeneloperadical living is super funny
Happy Thursday, Marina ๐ฅ! Hope you’re having a great week. We need to get your channel to 635K subscribers and it’s definitely achievable and I know you’re going to get there soon. I LOL at 6:44 ๐, and hope you’ll improve your French curse words ๐คญ. Sending my love โค from Miami, Florida, USA ๐บ๐ฒ
Thank you Marina for asking about Germans. I hope that you’d continue your real person Euro trips to Slovakia!
Because it’s a leser-known country. We can be off the beaten path
The guy at 1:00 and 8:30 is so cute! ๐
I once took the courage to confess my feelings with a Spanish crush, and eventually he admitted that he was not good at approaching someone let alone picking up signs whenever someone is trying to signal interest towards him. Sadly, I got rejected in the end, but at least he rejected me decently. He made it clear that he’s straight, but also glad to have me as a f.r.i.e.n.d. Now we’re still cordial and civil towards each other. There is no hatred on my side. We are still good friends. I also appreciate that he trusts me as a friend that he is also fine with sharing (some of) his vulnerabilities and intimate stories of his life.
He said the thing about “not being good at approaching” to make the rejection easier for you so that you don’t get embarrassed too much, being a gentleman. It’s never a good idea to ask a guy whether he wants to be intimate with you or not since they tend to treat women softly, and putting them under pressure isn’t a right thing to do
I didn’t understand. You are gay and he said not because he’s straight?
My cousin is Italian and she says she admires the direct way of the Germans because she is tired of the macho way of the Italians. As a Brazilian, I don’t like people doing everything for me, but I think Brazilians are more similar to Italians
In my experience, Italian men are still very much misogynistic. They like to feel the own their women and still have not learnt how to manage their anger like adults. The call it being passionate, I call it a toddler.
To the guy from Iran, as a Latina, I say “I feel you, broo”, we love talking touching
By the way, Great video! you always bring a good topic๐โจ๐๐ป
Can you go to Italy next please?
We want more of the former video format, the one where peoplw from various countries are together in like a studio
as an Italian woman, it depends on many things, but in general it should be indifferent. 1) how much do you know the person, if it’s a complete stranger it’s ok to split; 2) how much money? โฌ2.50 for a coffee is one thing, โฌ30 for a restaurant dinner is another. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if he paid โฌ30 or more on the first date, within a relationship yes
The Bulgarian guy is really funny ๐ such a positive energy
In my culture, men are seen as providers and especially if the man is the one who invited you out on a date, it is expected that he is the one paying. I offer to pay for after drinks or dessert at the next place just so the man doesn’t think that I only went with him for a free meal. But all of my dates, they always push to pay for our meals…always even if I take out my card/wallet. (I dated a diff European & Mediterranean ethnicities including German) It’s a macho thing I guess. It’s easy to like someone who initiates paying up.
0:02 years ago, when I noticed that my german girlfriend didn’t react to my compliments, it was like an uncomfortable silence, it seemed like she was ignoring it, was overwhelmed or angry… for me it was weird and I thought she wasn’t happy with me XD