Why it’s so DIFFICULT to Find Love in Sweden
Dive into the complicated world that is Swedish dating.
From Swedish style first dates, to gender equality which reigns in Sweden, to why Sweden and specifically Stockholm is such a difficult place to find love. And most importantly, what does Sweden say about our current world of love and dating? Are we becoming more commitment-phobic? Are our standards set too high? Check out the longest video yet that dives head first into the often complicated world of Swedish dating.
We used Envato Elements for graphics and broll. Try it here:
Shop for our cultural merch here:
E-guide for dating women around the world? ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ
Dating in Scandinavia? Read my book HERE:
Join DBB mailing list:
We used Epidemic Sound in this video. FREE MONTH:
Dating Beyond Borders is a Youtube channel that focuses on highlighting the cultural differences that come into play while dating people from other countries.
Videos out every Thursday – hit the bell button to receive notifications! ๐
Follow DBB on Social Media!
0:00 Intro
0:59 First impression of Sweden
1:57 Why dating in Sweden is hard
2:58 What Swedes think about the dating scene
7:38 Dating in other countries VS Sweden
8:33 Gender equality in Sweden
9:52 Why Swedish men tend to be passive
10:23 What do Swedes think about gender equality?
14:12 Why no one helped me with my luggage
15:05 What Swedish men look for in a woman
15:22 Men with prams & Latte Pappas
16:00 Great first date according to Swedes
17:33 S*xual life of Swedes
18:43 What do Swedes think about s*x & hook up culture?
20:18 The different types of commitment: Sambo, Sarbo and marriage
21:30 How do Swedes see commitment?
22:29 What dating in Sweden says about the Western world
Facebook:
Instagram:
TikTok:
Website:
CREW:
Marina Iakovleva (directing)
Oleh Voitovych (editing)
Ian Cardinalli (B-roll – fall visuals)
Filmed in:
Stockholm and Gothenburg, Sweden
Unfortunately, believe it or not, my experience in Brazil has been exactly the same. I hate hook up culture
Interesting. We are making our next videos in Brazil and I was really curious to get the perspective on this since I saw a recent study about it
@@DatingBeyondBorders If you come to Sรฃo Paulo and want to hear the perspective from a local about it, I’ll be honoured to help ๐
But with mostly fat pigs instead of toned good looking girls ๐๐๐
I think Brazil is different in the sense that there is always a judmental thing about women who are “too easy” or a man who hit every girl. Body count is a subconcious concern for many people,just like in US.
@@wagner9527 It might be something exclusive from where I live, but body count has never been an issue or a subject that we (me and my friends) talk about. No one ever asks โwhatโs your body count?โ.
Iโve went in quite a lot of dates during the last 2 years and sex in the first date has been the norm to a point that if it doesnโt happen, itโs just strange. Dating casually in Sรฃo Paulo has been quite easy, but it seems that everybodyโs having commitment issues lately. At least, thatโs a some of what Iโve been experiencing (Iโm a 26 year old man).
Great video. I’d love the dutch version too!๐ค๐พ
Swedes cant talk to each other sober during the day, of course its difficult.
Unless it is about work or the weather
hhahaaha well I am sapiosexual and Talk a lot, NEVER drunk ๐
Swedish women are gorgeous but nobody wants to date them the feminist mindset is quite disturbed
wow I am finding this to surprising. I live in on Australia and have met many swedes here and wouldnt have thought this. Maybe once they leave they lose their inhibitions
If you think dating is bad now, just wait.
Yep, it’s getting worse by the minute. Thanks OLD!
It’s a natural rubberband effect. Our culture gave people more freedom so now people are exploring freedom. When they get fed up and it starts being really problematic….people will be interested in a middle term again (no, not the old school way of things…….which people also try to shove down each others’ throats as a solution).
โ@jeanjacqueslundi3502 looking at some bloggers in their 20s, I think it already started to happen
@@walkingwith_dinosaurs what do you mean ?
@@marvin2678 look up Patience Xina, she’s not woke
i met my wife from east europe while we were both studying in sweden, safe to say as soon as we graduated and received job offers outside sweden we packed our bags and moved as quickly as possible
smart man, seems like that place is a hell hole.
Good decision. Staying away from the western world itself would be ideal if you plan to raise a family and children with morals.
where did you go? Germany?๐
โnope Netherlands ๐
@@zainulabdin1720 what do you mean?
Couldn’t agree more Marina. We have certainly lost our way. No one disagrees with freedom of choice and autonomy but always be careful what you wish for. If everything is approached with such a casual take it or leave it attitude then everything has no depth or value. So many lonely people in society pretending they are happy.
Dating apps,whilst championed and enjoyed by millions,have ushered in an age of people who simply don’t know how to act or behave with each other in the real world. If you treat people as a shallow commodity to be swiped,it’s gonna lead to problems.
Exactly!
sex is not the problem, the problem is the misandrism, hating men, that is rampant nowadays in lot of countries. I noticed that the more misandrism, more a society is degraded, if females hate men, how can a society function healthy and prosperous? Nowadays females just use men for their sexual needs and throw away and hate them, don’t want to be submissive and this is the problem.
I disagree with freedom of choice and autonomy. It’s actually easy and everyone should do it.
Very well said.
“be careful what you wish for” I couldn’t care less tbh, having freedom and options in other areas of life is more enjoyable and healthy than dating in a certain way.
Shout out to the dad for supporting his daughter! ๐
Haha will send him your love
Living in Norway,its really similar culture
Same in Denmark.
A
lso in Finland@@Mantos777
I have lived in Sweden for 10 years. I have basically no interest in Swedes now. True story.
Me with the Netherlands๐คฃ
Likewise I’m sure….
Good for you to know your own mind – but does that not mean it is time to ditch Sweden and move on to greener pastures, to where the “natives” are more interesting?
Indeed.@@Halli50
@@Halli50 Excellent point. Exactly what I’ll be doing this year.
I think the problem is that people don’t even know why they go into partnerships. Like if it’s meaningless, what’s the point of being together? And so most people want to feel something is real when they are together. So that’s why hookup culture has come to the state it is nowadays.
I really agree. It’s not just about having too many options, it’s about lack of internal direction or vision. People don’t know how to deeply, sincerely want things anymore.
@@vattenflick When everything can essentially be given to you at a click of a button, a lot of drive and motivation kinda vanish. Our brains aren’t built for the societies we live in. Things are so much harder because of the abundence rather than the lack of abundance.
When I worked in high-end real estate, a Swedish couple came in with the cutest baby. I gushed over how cute the baby was and was impressed with their humility. The couple told me that in Sweden, their baby looks like them and everyone else. To them, he’s average. Then they said to me that if I came to Sweden, I would be the exotic one and fawn over. The husband encouraged me to go to Sweden as he said I’d find many dating opportunities in Sweden, and the wife agreed. However, the couple I spoke to was wealthy and mature, with a child. I do wonder if the dating mindset in Sweden is the same across age groups, income levels, and socio-economic backgrounds.
Ooo that is a curious thing. I wonder too.
Yeah that unmatched beauty was on display in this videoโฆ. Been there. College campuses in the US have way hotter people. Such an exaggeration ๐
I am a product of a swedish dad and a haitian mom, you would very much be very exotic over there
There are many of african background in Sweden. 30 years ago you would’ve been exotic. Today, not at all.
You’re exagerating or just made it up. Sorry for being honest ๐ but the fact is: there’s nothing exotic in Sweden at all nowadays, there’s everything and they’ve seen everything when they traveled, internet, social media and much more. maybe in the 80s it existed but not anymore. Doesn’t matter how you look. People are done with this so called exotic look
Great way to finish the video – its extremely telling about society and the changes being seen. Its great that you can balance your honest opinion and the perspectives on the ground in every counry you try to cover. Keep producing your amazing work!!!
Thank you!
Wow!! I felt a sense of loneliness & sadness about Swedish culture. Whilst the society boasts โindividualityโ it removes connection, depth, and helping each other out. You weโre struggling with your bags and no olive branch of kindness was extended to help you out? I donโt see that as a positive but a disconnect.
So for people to connect A) they need to be drunk, because being โdirectโabout oneโs feelings would scare the average Swede. Uhhhh seems folks are taught for a early age to stuff their feeling into the shallows, thus having awkward, non-commitment, avoidant relationships- and how is this positive? It seems more negative, and ultimately creates major social issues.
No culture is perfect, but this โindividualistโ attitude is reaping havoc on this society- never mind the higher chance of STDโs & and mental health issues – sad!!
People tend to be kinder and help each other out more often rather in small towns than in big cities. I think that aspect should also be considered.
Not only Sweden, similar factors affect every nordic country. The few solar radiation in Scandinavia and surrounding areas is a big key factor. I’ve met swedes and danish living here in Mexico for a while and their behavior is quitely more effusive and social than the average nordic living in their homeland. After researching with the help of a friend of mine who is psychologist I realized that a very cold weather and few sun reduces the serotonine levels affecting the mind and making people cold and distant. In this case it expanded even to their culture.
@@swepower3597 Sorry but if you think your individualist society is “helping” and loyal, then its clear you don’t have any cross cultural experience living in collectivist cultures. You don’t really have a good reference to compare to, you’re basically making a subjective assessment based on people you see in your own culture, which will result in biased conclusions. Its way more easier to make life long loyal friends in collectivist cultures. Unlike in individualist cultures where it might take years to find one, in collectivist societes one can ( including a foreigner) can effortlessly earn a life long friend as less as a 15 min chat with a random stranger who is waiting in a bus stop or traveling next to you in a train. Its that simple. This is why most foreigners find the notion of waiting years and years to find a loyal friend weird and inefficient. One shouldn’t have to wait that long, its inefficient both from a health and time perspective. People are also way more helping, and by helping, I’m not even talking about money. People from collectivist cultures may not be rich by money, but they are rich by heart. That’s what they are known for. There’s an inverse relationship between money and helping behavior, which again, many famous studies have established already.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn well, I didnโt compare to any other country, just pointing out that there are a lot more underlying help culture in Sweden than might meet the eye. I donโt know If Sweden is a good example of your theory of inverted helping behaviour and money, since greed is not a national trait at all. You would not find any famous studies showing that whatsoever. What you w i l l find is that Sweden score among the highest in anti-corruption, highest in acceptance of taxes, in trust in government, in economic and religious freedom, in acceptance of diverse sexuality and etnicity. So if youโre into comparing, Sweden is in fact in many ways more welcoming to strangers with diverse background than many other countries. Having said that, you still have to take your time to get new friends and understand the culture. If you find that โtoo inefficientโ, thatโs up to you I guess
French and italian here, I know a lot about cultural diferences and tolerance, so I kind of sit right in the middle. I think that independance is great but should’nt come at the cost of doing nice gestures and making the person feel wanted, be it coming from both men and women. It’s really the intention that counts, if you wanna make the other person feel special.
Ultimately, you will find your people by how they act, so doesn’t cost anything to show who you are.
Come on swedes don’t be afraid of strangers, not everyone is here to get you! ๐
people who need alcohol to have fun, to date or to be open for sex are immature and close persons. Unfortunately this happens in many western countries, especially northern ones, like Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Norway. These societies form this kind of people who are not too open and in touch with their emotions and sexuality
Exactly Correct. These sort of “issues” stem from a society that has unresolved inequities and social taboos and other developmental issues that have never been dealt with or sorted out in the course of its history, and this is what makes for a very unhappy and depressed people. Naturally so, it would also mean that Love and Warmth are not integral to the society.
@@prussiansocietyofamerica but at the opposite end are the Spanish, Italian and Latin American countries, where the emotional factor is too influential in the relationships and reactions of people. Which is not that good either, because it overruns rationality, restraint and logic. Which is also detrimental. So, the best way would be a moderate, balanced, mature approach. I think it is present in Balkans, maybe Russia. I think in other countries too, where I haven’t been.
@@softrain3362 It is agreed that anyone who is not half emotional / passionate and the other half logical is a Barbarian. Because if someone is all emotion but nothing else, the emotions are naturally not grounded, so they have no purpose or meaning but just end up being situational, which come and go like the weather. Unfortunately, most people in this world are either all too Logical and Pragmatic, or only Emotional and Passionate, with limited ability for reason.
Itโs decadent.
It’s not the drinking people who are immature. It’s the people who you cannot talk to when they are sober that is the problem. They will just refuse you right away. Getting them when they are drunk is the only possible way. And now there is a rule in Sweden that says that you need to have a verbal or written “Yes I want to have sex with you” to be allowed to have sex with that person. Which makes it practically impossible to get along with a person. By the way I have a girlfriend in the Philippines for 9 years because my experience with Swedish women is horrible.
I’m a Venezuelan dating a Swedish man and he’s totally different from what I had seen in this video. He took the first step, but I feel like they like women to guide the relationship so they don’t make us feel uncomfortable, he’s lovely, say goodmorning everyday, helps with everything I need and just the most wonderful person I know. Sometimes I am colder than him haha but yeah, when I met him he was always like “you have so much energy” “you’re always happy and laughing” and I think that’s the perception they have of us, because we just live life and try to be as happy as we can be, maybe that made him feel comfortable and open up to me. We’ve been together for two years and he came to Venezuela to meet my family โค
Usually Venezuelan women don’t look too Swedish. So to him it was clear that you are a Latina and require a different approach.
@@maximkretsch7134Exactly ๐๐
keep up the good work.
โ@@maximkretsch7134๐
yeah but you are venezuelan and he is swedish, im portuguese, when im with brazilian girls im difrent, but with portuguese girl im more preserved
Thank God I married a Latina. Iโm of UK decent from the U.S. and sheโs from the Dominican Republic. Sheโs so sweet, warm and loving, has Christian morals and is a wonderful mother to our 2 beautiful kids. She has long black hair, olive skin and a curvy body. She also has a heart of gold. Marrying her is the best thing Iโve ever done.
White guy here who married a Filipina. I agree totally. European women seem terrible lol
The latinas are the best bro, and the spanish accent is the cherry on top
Im brazilian, thank God I was born here, the most beautifuls in the world are latinas I know it sound biased but miscigenation does that, they come in many forms, faces, shapes and etc.. the variations are crazy.. I know there are plenty of non-latinas beautys too, but some countries definitely seem to have less beauty than others..
yeah but these women leave their own men for you
To Marina,
An interesting question in regard to “we scratch the surface with many people, but we struggle to go deep with one” is whether or not we actually have something deep to offer in the first place..We are lost in the superficiality that emerges out of our own selfishness. A selfishness that finds cover behind the ideal of individualism.
I don’t believe swedes are individualistic, they just don’t (or are afraid) to commit to a relationship and take risks, they are afraid that everything they do will make the other umcorfotable, and they feel they need to show to everyone they are independant and strong, true individualism is not caring for either of those things
I’m from the US, my wife grew up in Jonkoping, Sweden. We met in college in the States in 2005. I experienced some of these things as I got to know her, but she’s a bit of an outlier because she is religious, which is not at all common in Sweden.
When she arrived on the college campus, which was pretty small, only about 500 residents, she garnered a fair amount of male attention. She was very attractive, tall, blonde. It was obvious to a lot of guys that she wasn’t an easy shell to crack. We started talking because we had some mutual friends. Once it was apparent to her that we had several common interests, she began giving me a lot of attention. Even so, it still took several months before she saw us as exclusive. I could tell it was a big deal for her to call me her boyfriend.
We did date in the way most Americans would perceive it, but it was not a very emotional, lovey-dovey experience. She wasn’t comfortable with emotional displays of affection, but I could tell she liked me, nonetheless.
The first time I visited Jonkoping with her, she was very eager to introduce me into the local social life. I met almost all her friends at fica, over a lot of coffee. Once we were engaged, she got much more emotional and affectionate with me. We married in 2009 in Jonkoping, but we now live in the States and have 4 kids.
One thing she told me that attracted her to me was how honest and aggressive I seemed. She said that most guys in Sweden are just too reserved. I have to admit, I have rubbed people negatively by being too blunt. She apparently found it attractive.
This just shows that women are bipolar beings who say one thing with their feminist speech, but instinctively want another. I never take a feminist seriously, because you can’t take seriously someone who can’t be held accountable.
I don’t date Swedish men because they are not initiative.
And im used to men taking the lead . Plus I don’t go to bars , no alcohol and I definitely don’t use dating apps๐ I never needed it because I was approached by men daily in real life outside of Sweden
Greetings from an east African girl living in Stockholm โค
The feminist movement in Sweden worked relentlessly for decades for “taming” men, and after a couple of generations it succesfully rendered many swedish men “soft”, that is: with traits that could be perceived as “towards the feminine side” (excessive agreeability, low dominance, low levels of agression, self deprecation, conflict avoiding, etc,etc). Then Swedish women discovered that they are attracted to more aggressive men, which is an evolutionary thing. This is a typical pattern, explained even by pickup artists like “Mystery”: a woman turns an alpha male into a weak, feminine man, only to discover afterwards that she is attracted to the former and not the latter. So I see your description as an accurate reflection of reality. I do not know what the solution is.
thanks for the insight Ken
Once on vacation I met a Dutchman. We met on Tinder and he asked me out first. Our date was very pleasant and there was no awkwardness or silence. He was very nice and sociable. He paid for my cocktail despite my objections. Later I found out that he did this because before our meeting he googled how to behave with a girl from Eastern Europe, and on the Internet they write that we will be offended if the bill is paid 50/50๐ We still text sometimes. Heโs adorable:)
hahaha
did he hit tho?
men in general are rational. This Dutchman was not an exception.
Googling what to do before any social interaction is a very Scandinavian thing ๐
@@johnsmith-ro2tw
Men arenโt rational but Dutchman are.