Why it’s so DIFFICULT to Find Love in Sweden

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• Once on vacation I met a Dutchman. We met on Tinder and he asked me out first. Our date was very pleasant and there was no awkwardness or silence. He was very nice and sociable. He paid for my cocktail despite my objections. Later I found out that he did this because before our meeting he googled how to behave with a girl from Eastern Europe, and on the Internet they write that we will be offended if the bill is paid 50/50😂 We still text sometimes. He’s adorable:)

  • @@johnsmith-ro2tw
    Men aren’t rational but Dutchman are.

  • Googling what to do before any social interaction is a very Scandinavian thing 😂

  • men in general are rational. This Dutchman was not an exception.

  • did he hit tho?

  • hahaha

• I'm from the US, my wife grew up in Jonkoping, Sweden. We met in college in the States in 2005. I experienced some of these things as I got to know her, but she's a bit of an outlier because she is religious, which is not at all common in Sweden.

  When she arrived on the college campus, which was pretty small, only about 500 residents, she garnered a fair amount of male attention. She was very attractive, tall, blonde. It was obvious to a lot of guys that she wasn't an easy shell to crack. We started talking because we had some mutual friends. Once it was apparent to her that we had several common interests, she began giving me a lot of attention. Even so, it still took several months before she saw us as exclusive. I could tell it was a big deal for her to call me her boyfriend.

  We did date in the way most Americans would perceive it, but it was not a very emotional, lovey-dovey experience. She wasn't comfortable with emotional displays of affection, but I could tell she liked me, nonetheless.

  The first time I visited Jonkoping with her, she was very eager to introduce me into the local social life. I met almost all her friends at fica, over a lot of coffee. Once we were engaged, she got much more emotional and affectionate with me. We married in 2009 in Jonkoping, but we now live in the States and have 4 kids.

  One thing she told me that attracted her to me was how honest and aggressive I seemed. She said that most guys in Sweden are just too reserved. I have to admit, I have rubbed people negatively by being too blunt. She apparently found it attractive.

  • thanks for the insight Ken

  • The feminist movement in Sweden worked relentlessly for decades for "taming" men, and after a couple of generations it succesfully rendered many swedish men "soft", that is: with traits that could be perceived as "towards the feminine side" (excessive agreeability, low dominance, low levels of agression, self deprecation, conflict avoiding, etc,etc). Then Swedish women discovered that they are attracted to more aggressive men, which is an evolutionary thing. This is a typical pattern, explained even by pickup artists like "Mystery": a woman turns an alpha male into a weak, feminine man, only to discover afterwards that she is attracted to the former and not the latter. So I see your description as an accurate reflection of reality. I do not know what the solution is.

  • I don't date Swedish men because they are not initiative.
    And im used to men taking the lead . Plus I don't go to bars , no alcohol and I definitely don't use dating apps😂 I never needed it because I was approached by men daily in real life outside of Sweden

    Greetings from an east African girl living in Stockholm ❤

  • This just shows that women are bipolar beings who say one thing with their feminist speech, but instinctively want another. I never take a feminist seriously, because you can't take seriously someone who can't be held accountable.

• To Marina,

  An interesting question in regard to "we scratch the surface with many people, but we struggle to go deep with one" is whether or not we actually have something deep to offer in the first place..We are lost in the superficiality that emerges out of our own selfishness. A selfishness that finds cover behind the ideal of individualism.

  • I don't believe swedes are individualistic, they just don't (or are afraid) to commit to a relationship and take risks, they are afraid that everything they do will make the other umcorfotable, and they feel they need to show to everyone they are independant and strong, true individualism is not caring for either of those things

• Thank God I married a Latina. I’m of UK decent from the U.S. and she’s from the Dominican Republic. She’s so sweet, warm and loving, has Christian morals and is a wonderful mother to our 2 beautiful kids. She has long black hair, olive skin and a curvy body. She also has a heart of gold. Marrying her is the best thing I’ve ever done.

  • yeah but these women leave their own men for you

  • Im brazilian, thank God I was born here, the most beautifuls in the world are latinas I know it sound biased but miscigenation does that, they come in many forms, faces, shapes and etc.. the variations are crazy.. I know there are plenty of non-latinas beautys too, but some countries definitely seem to have less beauty than others..

  • The latinas are the best bro, and the spanish accent is the cherry on top

  • White guy here who married a Filipina. I agree totally. European women seem terrible lol

• I'm a Venezuelan dating a Swedish man and he's totally different from what I had seen in this video. He took the first step, but I feel like they like women to guide the relationship so they don't make us feel uncomfortable, he's lovely, say goodmorning everyday, helps with everything I need and just the most wonderful person I know. Sometimes I am colder than him haha but yeah, when I met him he was always like "you have so much energy" "you're always happy and laughing" and I think that's the perception they have of us, because we just live life and try to be as happy as we can be, maybe that made him feel comfortable and open up to me. We've been together for two years and he came to Venezuela to meet my family ❤

  • yeah but you are venezuelan and he is swedish, im portuguese, when im with brazilian girls im difrent, but with portuguese girl im more preserved

  • ​@@maximkretsch7134😂

  • keep up the good work.

  • @@maximkretsch7134Exactly 😂😂

  • Usually Venezuelan women don't look too Swedish. So to him it was clear that you are a Latina and require a different approach.

• people who need alcohol to have fun, to date or to be open for sex are immature and close persons. Unfortunately this happens in many western countries, especially northern ones, like Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Norway. These societies form this kind of people who are not too open and in touch with their emotions and sexuality

  • It's not the drinking people who are immature. It's the people who you cannot talk to when they are sober that is the problem. They will just refuse you right away. Getting them when they are drunk is the only possible way. And now there is a rule in Sweden that says that you need to have a verbal or written "Yes I want to have sex with you" to be allowed to have sex with that person. Which makes it practically impossible to get along with a person. By the way I have a girlfriend in the Philippines for 9 years because my experience with Swedish women is horrible.

  • It’s decadent.

  • @@softrain3362 It is agreed that anyone who is not half emotional / passionate and the other half logical is a Barbarian. Because if someone is all emotion but nothing else, the emotions are naturally not grounded, so they have no purpose or meaning but just end up being situational, which come and go like the weather. Unfortunately, most people in this world are either all too Logical and Pragmatic, or only Emotional and Passionate, with limited ability for reason.

  • @@prussiansocietyofamerica but at the opposite end are the Spanish, Italian and Latin American countries, where the emotional factor is too influential in the relationships and reactions of people. Which is not that good either, because it overruns rationality, restraint and logic. Which is also detrimental. So, the best way would be a moderate, balanced, mature approach. I think it is present in Balkans, maybe Russia. I think in other countries too, where I haven't been.

  • Exactly Correct. These sort of "issues" stem from a society that has unresolved inequities and social taboos and other developmental issues that have never been dealt with or sorted out in the course of its history, and this is what makes for a very unhappy and depressed people. Naturally so, it would also mean that Love and Warmth are not integral to the society.

• French and italian here, I know a lot about cultural diferences and tolerance, so I kind of sit right in the middle. I think that independance is great but should'nt come at the cost of doing nice gestures and making the person feel wanted, be it coming from both men and women. It's really the intention that counts, if you wanna make the other person feel special.
  Ultimately, you will find your people by how they act, so doesn't cost anything to show who you are.

  Come on swedes don't be afraid of strangers, not everyone is here to get you! :)

• Wow!! I felt a sense of loneliness & sadness about Swedish culture. Whilst the society boasts “individuality” it removes connection, depth, and helping each other out. You we’re struggling with your bags and no olive branch of kindness was extended to help you out? I don’t see that as a positive but a disconnect.

  So for people to connect A) they need to be drunk, because being “direct”about one’s feelings would scare the average Swede. Uhhhh seems folks are taught for a early age to stuff their feeling into the shallows, thus having awkward, non-commitment, avoidant relationships- and how is this positive? It seems more negative, and ultimately creates major social issues.

  No culture is perfect, but this “individualist” attitude is reaping havoc on this society- never mind the higher chance of STD’s & and mental health issues - sad!!

  • @@Ghostrider-ul7xn well, I didn’t compare to any other country, just pointing out that there are a lot more underlying help culture in Sweden than might meet the eye. I don’t know If Sweden is a good example of your theory of inverted helping behaviour and money, since greed is not a national trait at all. You would not find any famous studies showing that whatsoever. What you w i l l find is that Sweden score among the highest in anti-corruption, highest in acceptance of taxes, in trust in government, in economic and religious freedom, in acceptance of diverse sexuality and etnicity. So if you’re into comparing, Sweden is in fact in many ways more welcoming to strangers with diverse background than many other countries. Having said that, you still have to take your time to get new friends and understand the culture. If you find that ”too inefficient”, that’s up to you I guess

  • @@swepower3597 Sorry but if you think your individualist society is "helping" and loyal, then its clear you don't have any cross cultural experience living in collectivist cultures. You don't really have a good reference to compare to, you're basically making a subjective assessment based on people you see in your own culture, which will result in biased conclusions. Its way more easier to make life long loyal friends in collectivist cultures. Unlike in individualist cultures where it might take years to find one, in collectivist societes one can ( including a foreigner) can effortlessly earn a life long friend as less as a 15 min chat with a random stranger who is waiting in a bus stop or traveling next to you in a train. Its that simple. This is why most foreigners find the notion of waiting years and years to find a loyal friend weird and inefficient. One shouldn't have to wait that long, its inefficient both from a health and time perspective. People are also way more helping, and by helping, I'm not even talking about money. People from collectivist cultures may not be rich by money, but they are rich by heart. That's what they are known for. There's an inverse relationship between money and helping behavior, which again, many famous studies have established already.

  • Not only Sweden, similar factors affect every nordic country. The few solar radiation in Scandinavia and surrounding areas is a big key factor. I've met swedes and danish living here in Mexico for a while and their behavior is quitely more effusive and social than the average nordic living in their homeland. After researching with the help of a friend of mine who is psychologist I realized that a very cold weather and few sun reduces the serotonine levels affecting the mind and making people cold and distant. In this case it expanded even to their culture.

  • People tend to be kinder and help each other out more often rather in small towns than in big cities. I think that aspect should also be considered.

• Great way to finish the video - its extremely telling about society and the changes being seen. Its great that you can balance your honest opinion and the perspectives on the ground in every counry you try to cover. Keep producing your amazing work!!!

  • Thank you!

• When I worked in high-end real estate, a Swedish couple came in with the cutest baby. I gushed over how cute the baby was and was impressed with their humility. The couple told me that in Sweden, their baby looks like them and everyone else. To them, he's average. Then they said to me that if I came to Sweden, I would be the exotic one and fawn over. The husband encouraged me to go to Sweden as he said I'd find many dating opportunities in Sweden, and the wife agreed. However, the couple I spoke to was wealthy and mature, with a child. I do wonder if the dating mindset in Sweden is the same across age groups, income levels, and socio-economic backgrounds.

  • You're exagerating or just made it up. Sorry for being honest :) but the fact is: there's nothing exotic in Sweden at all nowadays, there's everything and they've seen everything when they traveled, internet, social media and much more. maybe in the 80s it existed but not anymore. Doesn't matter how you look. People are done with this so called exotic look

  • There are many of african background in Sweden. 30 years ago you would've been exotic. Today, not at all.

  • I am a product of a swedish dad and a haitian mom, you would very much be very exotic over there

  • Yeah that unmatched beauty was on display in this video…. Been there. College campuses in the US have way hotter people. Such an exaggeration 😂

  • Ooo that is a curious thing. I wonder too.